I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
