how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
