he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
