hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
