i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
