honey bunches of taint.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
