While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
