I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
