Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
