i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
FUCK WHALES
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
