we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
