guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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