I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
