where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
