the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
