I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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