she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
