Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
