When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
