so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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