In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
