I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
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