This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
