if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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