Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
