True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
