If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Did I show you my penis last night?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
