He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
