Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
