dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
