he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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