clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
