yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
