bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
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