MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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