So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
