we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
