She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
