Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
