I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
