i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
