The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
