no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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