How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
