Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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