Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
