yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
