allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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