if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
