You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
