If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
so let's talk penis.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
