I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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