She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
